How to Make Someone Miss You
Being missed by someone lets you know that you're important to him or her, regardless of whether you're family, friends, or lovers. While you shouldn't manipulate others into missing you when you don't value them enough to do the same, encouraging a sense of remembrance and longing can actually be healthy for the relationship overall.
Set the Stage
Communicate in specific stories.Good stories linger in the subconscious mind. If your story involves some unique object or experience, the other person is likely to remember you the next time he or she hears anything about that same point of association. Remembrance creates an opportunity for you to be missed.
- Ideally, the story should be about yourself or have some connection to who you are, and unique stories are more likely to create stronger connections than commonplace matters. It's best for the “trigger” object or event to still be common enough for the other person to encounter, however, since he or she needs to run across it before remembering you.
- For example, a true story about meeting your favorite band while grocery shopping would be pretty unique, and someone will likely remember it the next time he or she hears that band on the radio. On the other hand, a story about simply going to a concert would be too normal and may be forgotten.
Demonstrate your value.Before someone can miss you, you need to become someone worth missing. This doesn't mean that you should bribe your way into someone's good graces, but it does mean that you should bring as much value to your relationship as you expect the other person to bring.
- As a general rule, try to empathize with the other person during the good and the bad. Rejoice when the other person is happy and mourn when he or she is hurting. Empathy and good listening skills demonstrate a deep level of caring, and that alone can endear you to a person you care about.
Wear a signature fragrance.The sense of smell is actually quite powerful, and evidence suggests that scent and memory are closely linked. Wearing the same subtle, pleasant scent on a regular basis can imprint yourself in someone's mind and make that person think of you whenever he or she smells it.
- This is most commonly seen in romantic relationships. The scent of a lover's shampoo, body wash, perfume, or cologne can linger on pillows and other objects, jolting the other partner's memory whenever he or she gets a whiff.
- Signature fragrances can work their magic in platonic relationships, too. For instance, if you love baking and your kitchen always smells like fresh bread, a friend or relative could easily come to associate that smell to the warmth of your home regardless of where he or she encounters it.
Leave something behind.Before you part ways, pick something to purposefully “forget” and leave it with the other person. That object should remind the other person of you whenever he or she sees it, and it also creates an unspoken promise to meet again soon so that the object can be returned to you.
- Make sure that the object is something you can actually afford to forget. A bracelet, a watch, or your favorite book can all be good options. Your cell phone or wallet would be bad ideas.
- If you aren't able to be sneaky about it, you can leave the object behind and state your intent in doing so. Come right out and say that the object is meant as collateral—proof that you'll return soon to claim it and see the holder once more.
Create a strong impression before you leave.If you know you'll be apart for a longer period than normal, spend a little extra effort on the other person prior to saying goodbye. The experience should be so pleasant that the other person regrets seeing it end.
- Be affectionate and avoid getting into arguments. When dealing with a romantic relationship, dress and groom yourself well to create a strong, lasting visual memory.
- If you'll be apart for a long time, you could also leave the person with a parting gift. It can be something short-lived, like a pint of ice cream from his or her favorite shop, or something lasting, like a piece of tasteful artwork or a scrapbook. Either way, the act of presenting your gift will stick in the person's memory and make him or her miss you each time the memory reoccurs.
Let Yourself Be Missed
Give the other person space.Before someone can miss you, you need to give the other person an opportunity to miss you. You need to let him or her spend some time away from you, no matter how close or far apart you are.
- If you're being forced apart by something outside of your control—a business trip, a vacation, an out-of-state move, etc.—you should make use of the natural space this creates. Stay in touch, but don't call or text the person every five minutes until your return.
- If you see each other every day, you might need to create opportunities to be missed by changing your routine. Decline an invitation one weekend or do more overtime at work. If you work with the other person, consider taking an unplanned vacation day or working from home one afternoon.
Stay busy.During your time apart, you need to keep yourself busy and demonstrate that you have a life outside of your relationship with this other person. If you seem too needy or clingy, the other person may view contact with you as a responsibility rather than a treat.
- The idea here is to make it clear that your life is fulfilling even if you aren't joined to the other person at the hip. Relationships of any nature need balance. If you clearly need the other person more than he or she needs you, it could create a sense of codependency, which won't be healthy for either of you.
- This doesnotmean that you should try to make the other person jealous. Don't flirt with others if you're spending time apart from your romantic interest. Likewise, don't talk about all the great things you're doing with other friends if you're spending time away from one of your buddies.
Reply slowly.Even if you've been waiting by the phone for him to her to call, you shouldn't make it too obvious. Let the phone ring a few times before picking it up. Wait an hour or so before replying to a text instead of doing so immediately.
- Approach this step as naturally as possible. Instead of planning out when you'll reply and what to say, simply reply in a way that's convenient for you. For instance, if you're watching a movie at home when he or she texts you, wait until it ends before replying instead of doing so immediately.
Get an investment.Some studies suggest that a person's affection for you typically grows more when he or she does a favor for you than it does when you do a favor for him or her. Forcing the other person to invest in your relationship while you're apart may encourage him or her to look back on your memories more fondly.
- Keep in mind that every relationship needs to be balanced; both of you need to be equally attached for both of you to miss each other. If you're the one constantly making an effort to stay in touch, the other person won't have to do any work and may come to view the relationship with less significance.
- If the investment doesn't come naturally, set one up. For example, you could call the other person up specifically for the sake of asking his or her advice about an ongoing problem.
Close the gap.Things happen, and sometimes the other person won't be able to contact you or may become discouraged by the distance. You need to be “out of sight” long enough to be missed, but not long enough to reach the “out of mind” stage.
- The exact amount of time you should allow to pass will vary on the relationship and the total amount of time spent apart. If you're away on a business trip, you probably shouldn't allow more than a day or two to pass before calling your spouse. On the other hand, if you've moved out of state permanently, it could be appropriate to allow a week or more to pass before reconnecting with your best friend.
Reward remembrance.When the other person does think of you and actively demonstrates it, be sure to respond favorably. Reinforcing the behavior as a positive one leaves a pleasant impression and makes the other person more likely to repeat it in order to seek that same sense of reward in the future.
- Return phone calls, texts, and emails. Greet the other person positively and show an interest in the details of his or her life. If you get a note or gift in the mail, quickly give the other person your thanks.
Reaffirm your affections.You shouldn't let the other person doubt your level of sincerity or affection. Once doubt is brought into any relationship—romantic or platonic, short-term or long-term—most people are less inclined to see that relationship as a worthwhile investment.
- When you speak with one another, give the other person your full attention instead of being noticeably distracted by your computer, television, or phone.
- Don't give the other person reason to doubt your loyalty. This is the main reason why creating jealousy is a bad idea—making the other person jealous can make him or her feel unwanted, neglected, or used.
Write a surprise note.Write a heartfelt letter or card and mail it to the other person. This is a sweet, genuine gesture that most people respond favorably to. Upon receiving your note, the other person may be reminded of the positive feelings he or she has toward you, which can cause that person to miss you if you aren't around.
- If you live with someone or spend a lot of time at that person's house, you could also write notes in advance and hide them around the home before you part ways. When he or she finds one by surprise, it'll serve as an instant reminder of the last time you were there.
Make a promise.When you speak to someone before meeting up again, make a promise to do something special together. Doing so gives him or her something to actively look forward to upon your next meeting.
- Consider keeping the actual event a secret. Simply say that you have plans for when you meet up, but don't go into too much detail. The element of surprise should increase the anticipation and the other person's eagerness to see you.
To make someone miss you, stay busy with work and other friends to show that you have a life outside of them, so they don’t feel obligated to you instead of truly missing you. If the person contacts you, wait a while before replying to give them a chance to anticipate your reply. If you can, ask the other person to do a favor for you, since studies suggest that doing a favor for someone increases affection for them. Finally, if you know you won’t see someone for a while, create a strong impression before you leave by making looking nice and keeping things pleasant.
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Video: How to Make any Man Miss You - 7 Steps that Always Work!
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