How to Stop Being Fake
In a world where people tend to brutally reject originality, sometimes you find yourself conforming to someone else's tastes just for the sake of acceptance and belonging. But now you realize how pointless it is. It's not worth being fake if you end up suppressing your true self.
De-program your mindset.It has probably taken months and even years to program yourself to think like the "populars", the "cool set", the "hipsters", or whatever other allegiance you've allied yourself to. And that thinking isn't going to go away overnight. For a time, you will still see things through the lenses of the group think you adopted, so you need to be patient, persistent, and consistent with overturning this thinking.
Start listing whatyoureally think about things.
- What areyourvalues? How do these differ from those of the group you were formerly a part of?
- What areyourthoughts about major political, social, economic, and cultural issues?
- What are your preferred fashion do's and don'ts? Do you even like the trends of the group you were part of?
- Has there been a side of yourself you have been repressing just to get along with the old group? List the things about yourself that you think haven't been properly expressed in a long time.
Make a decision to dispose of the things that don't fit with who you really are and what you really think.If you are still struggling to define what it is thatyouvalue and think, then you'll need to spend some more time on this step until things firm up more for you. You can test yourself by reading popular culture in the papers, magazines, and online and asking yourself questions all the time about whatyouthink of the issues as presented. You'll start to form your ideas more clearly as you do so.
Now and then, the old "faked" self way of thinking will bleed through.Don't get upset or frustrated. Quietly acknowledge that this is happening andchooseto abandon this line of thinking. Restore the balance by thinking the way you want to do so now. Remind yourself through questions:
- Instead of saying "What should I think?" or "What would he/she think?" say "What do I think?"
- Ask yourself how you truly feel about absolutely everything. Even down to the food you eat, the clothes you wear, and the route you travel home each day.
Stand up for yourself.The hardest part about undoing a faked personality is learning to stand up for the person you really are. You will need to be very gentle on yourself because this part is going to be hard to begin with but it gets easier with practice. Your initial knee-jerk reaction may be to respond as you would have done within the group but stop yourself, breathe deeply, and clearly voice your opinion.
- If you disagree with someone, then don't be afraid to do so. Just be polite although firm, and say that your thoughts on the matter differ from theirs.
- Respect yourselfandthe other person through use of polite language, manners, and by articulating yourself clearly.
- If someone becomes difficult or pushy with their opinions, simply let them know that you respect them but that you will be agreeing to disagree. Take a break from them if it gets too hard to deal with.
QuestionI feel like I'm fake to my friends, but I feel the need to be fake in case they ditch me. I really hate my fake self, which is always agreeing to things I don't really agree with. What can I do/tell my friends?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerTell them the truth. Real friends that are worth having will like and support you as you are.Thanks!
QuestionI feel like I'm fake a lot, but I don't know if anyone notices. Are there signs people have that tell you they don't like you?Top AnswererCancelling plans at the last minute, not answering an invitation, politely ending a conversation, offering up an excuse not to meet you, never texting you first, not adding to a conversation, looking away in a conversation... There are many, and any one by itself doesn't mean much, but three or more are a strong sign.Thanks!
QuestionI have been fake all my life, I don't even known who I am anymore. Can you suggest anything for me?Top AnswererIf you have a doctor of any kind, ask him/her for a referral to professional care for mental/emotional issues. If you don't have a doctor, call a local hospital and make that same request.Thanks!
- It's not illegal or immoral to dress with your own style.
- It's healthy to say you think something's stupid or harebrained. Just do it politely.
- If someone criticizes your style, don't lash out at them. Simply ask why they care if someone has their own style. Tell them to reallythinkaboutwhythey actually care if someone wants to stand out from the crowd.
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